It's one of "those" Wednesdays!...
'Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain!'
That lovely sentiment came at the bottom of an e-mail to me today from my buddy, Rhonda... Thanks! I needed the reminder.
Mom has not been recognizing me...and it has really worried me. Today we were talking and she remembered as she told me - her grand-daughter, Tara, and her other daughter, Mary Ellen, being there to see her.
I kept telling her that it was me - "Salli" (that's what she has called me since I was a child) - and I asked her what my name was...and she said "Salli, just like my Salli." So I just sort of dropped the conversation.
She got this look of concentration on her face and I asked her what she was thinking...and she said "I wonder what Salli is doing?"
Nothing was making sense to me...Scarlett and I headed out for lunch and I mentioned to her what mom had said...Suddenly Scarlett looked at me and said - "I'll bet she thinks you've gone away for a while and she is in respite care." OMG - that had to be it...
After lunch - we walked in - and I acted all happy and excited to see her - and told her - "I'm home!" Her face lit up and she knew it was me...then she said - "Good, when are we going home?"
I gotta tell you I lost it...and I had to tell her that she needed to stay for a while because she wasn't well. She needed to get strong and better before she could come home. I asked her if she liked it there and she said "yes, but, I like home better."
Even though the right decisions have been made - why the hell does it hurt this damn much?
posted by Sara @ 3:21 PM
6 comments
6 Comments:
*Hugs* Even though it's the right thing, it doesn't make it the easy thing.
You're in my thoughts.
Oh hon. It's so very hard sometimes to do the best thing. And, for me at least, it was just crushing when Mama wasn't being the mama any more. Or when she thought I was out to get her. A million icky things, but even more wonderful things. Some of my best memories were playing "beauty shop" on Sunday mornings. Her in the hospital bed and we'd literally pretend she was in the beauty shop having a manicure and we'd talk about imaginary people and the outlandish things they did. At least then she KNEW they were imaginary. It just sucks darlin' but hang in there.
Oh Sara that is tough. I like what hockey mom said about the right thing not always being the easy thing. It is the right thing though.
oh, I've been there...I don't know what to say to help, other than just know you're doing the best and safest thing for your Mom :-)
It hurts because you love her so darned much that you want to make it better and you can't....there is so much pain in that...I know. I am so sorry you are going through this. It was nice that she knew you though wasn't it? And she knew it was/is a good place...it's just not home. Memory issues are a blessing...perhaps she forgets about home while she's enjoying the nice place she's in....
I just can't imagine :(
That has got to be incredibly hard.
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